Things My Heart Wants To Do But Are Not Acceptable In Polite Society (but i'll do them anyway)

-lie on the floor in a beautiful shop, hand in hand with an awesome friend, and stay and watch people go past
-play hide and seek in a shopping centre. be caught by security.
-play hide and seek in a shopping centre. don't be caught by security.
-play house in ikea
-befriend small children
-have picnics in awkward public spaces. with full silverware, china teapots and all.
-spend days just lying in the ground.
-run through the rain
-take lots of photos
-dress however i want. whenever i want.
-not worry about what others see when the look at me
-throw food at other people
-get messy
-have a harry potter stye duel with strangers
-be spontaneous
-take a train somewhere unfamiliar and spend the day there
-skip instead of walking
-dance and sing and enjoy music publicly, even if i'm the only one who can hear it
-make my own things instead of buying them
-walk barefoot through the city
-get thoroughly lost and emerge with cake and a smile
-draw my own map of the city
-find a place that is mine and only mine somewhere public
-roll down hills
-use playgrounds
-cook on a trangia in public, because i can and they can't
-learn to do something new
-find a way of earning money that i love to do
-take photos of anything and everything
-live each day fully in the moment, and finish each day with a smile on my face

Something awesome

AFP's new remix album :)

:)

This is now what I see when I open google:

Happiness is AFP on Google.

A Maximum Ride Series Playlist, in no particular order (yet)

When I find out where my copy of School's Out Forever went, I'm going to read the books again and annotate like crazy with songs. Until then, I'm putting the playlist up, in the hopes I can be bothered to sort it later.

Name                                                   Artist
All Summer                                            Kid Cudi, Best Coast and Rostam Batmanglij
Coin Laundry                                         Lisa Mitchell
Friends For Lovers                                 Brighten
Falling Out Of Love At This Volume       Bright Eyes
Heels Over Head                                   Boys Like Girls
God & Satan                                         Biffy Clyro
Brielle                                                   Sky Sailing
Idiot Heart                                            Sunset Rubdown
Come One, Come All                           All Time Low
Back of my Head.                                Short Stack
Icarus                                                  Jason Webley
Half Life                                              Imogen Heap
8 AM                                                 The Summer Obsession
How You Love Me Now                   Hey Monday
Tomorrow                                         Nic Cester
The Time Has Come                          The Dresden Dolls
Lyrical Lies                                        Cute Is What We Aim For
Burning Bridges                                  The Summer Obsession
Impossible Girl #1                              Kim Boekbinder
Behavior                                            Amanda Palmer
Science Is Golden                              The Grates
Don't Trust Me                                  3OH!3
Black Cat                                         Mayday Parade
Let Me Take You There                   Plain White T's
Break Up the Concrete                    The Pretenders
Dance, Dance                                 Fall Out Boy
Bubbles                                          Biffy Clyro
Every Me And Every You                Placebo
Chokechain                                     3OH!3
Clinton St. Girl                               Wakey!Wakey!
Baby Blue Eyes                            A Rocket To The Moon
Oh! Gravity                                   Switchfoot
2 Atoms In A Molecule                Noah And The Whale
Hero Heroine                               Boys Like Girls
Astronaut                                     Amanda Palmer
Oh, It Is Love                              Hellogoodbye
Not A Second To Waste              A Rocket To The Moon
Choose To Be Me                         Sunrise Avenue
Can't take it in                              Imogen Heap
Icarus Lives!                              Periphery
Double Knots                           You & Yourn
Dirty Business                            The Dresden Dolls
Runs In the Family                     Amanda Palmer
The Shake (Awful Feeling)          My American Heart
We Are Young                          3OH!3
On Invisible Wings                   Mikelangelo And The Black Sea Gentlemen
Awakening                              Switchfoot
Shut Up I Am Dreaming of Places Where Lovers Have Wings                Sunset Rubdown & Spencer Krug
Do You Remember                The Summer Obsession
Waking Up in Vegas                Katy Perry
Every Little Thing                   Tullycraft
Sticks & Stone                      Jónsi
In My Mind                           Amanda Palmer (Featuring Brian Viglione)
His Girl Friday                      The Academy Is...
Where's My Angel                Metro Station
Love Will Tear Us Apart       Evelyn Evelyn
Seventeen forever                 Metro Station
Day & Night                          Billie Piper
In Colour                              HeyHiHello!
All We Know                        Paramore
The Poison                           The All American Rejects
To The Sky                           Owl City
Know Your Enemy               Green Day
 Free Falling                          The Summer Obsession
Broken Leg                          Bluejuice
Corrosive                            The Summer Obsession
Baby We're Invincible          A Rocket To The Moon
Over My Head                    The Summer Obsession
Jump                                   Simple Plan
Fear Of Flying                    A Rocket To The Moon
Hurt                                    Johnny Cash
When I Grow Up                Garbage
The Point of It All                Amanda Palmer
Drumming Song                  Florence & The Machine
Jocasta                             Noah And The Whale
Where Is Your Boy Tonight?    Fall Out Boy
Alice (Underground)                Avril Lavigne
White Winter Hymnal               Fleet Foxes
Death Said                              The Summer Obsession
Cadence of Her Last Breath      Nightwish
The Sky!                                  The Junior Varsity
The Age Of The Understatement      The Last Shadow Puppets
Black Dress                               Kisschasy
Goodnight And Go                    Imogen Heap
7 Days To The Wolves              Nightwish
Firestarter                                  Dan Parsons
When I Think About Angels       Cute Is What We Aim For
Many Of Horror                         Biffy Clyro
Time to Wander                         Gypsy & The Cat
Christina                                    Zombina & the Skeletones
Famous Last Words                  My Chemical Romance
Bad Body Double                      Imogen Heap
Hymn for the Dead                    Anti-Flag
Starlight                                     Muse
Mountains                                  Biffy Clyro
Curse Of The Curves                Cute Is What We Aim For
Don't Quit! Not Quite!                HeyHiHello!
I Must Belong Somewhere          Bright Eyes
Bruises                                        Chairlift

Helplessness

I'm not brave. I'm not good in an emergency. I don't like that I'm this way, but I am, for now. In an emergency, I panic and almost start to shake. My knees feel as if they will buckle, and my hands tremble, especially if whatever I'm in the middle of is important/serious. Last year, when I stopped to help a mother whose little girl had just hit her head on a shop window, I almost couldn't get my phone out to call the ambulance the mother asked me to call in her hysteria. I couldn't tell them what street we were on, nor remember to stay on the line. My hysteria was a little more contained than the girl's mother's , but it was certainly there- I was still shaking hours later. But the one thing I did do right was stop. 

Today, on my way home from university with my friend, I was almost run over by a person on a bike. At the same time, we passed a girl who looked to be about 15- she was barefoot, clad only in a blue nightgown and a hospital blanket, a strange expression on her face, walking at a slow, steady pace. This scene taking place about 400 metres from the Royal Women's Hospital is something that should alert most people to the fact that something is wrong. But I saw her, and like the other pedestrians around us, I did not stop to help. My friend, however, is braver than I, and once she registered what she had seen, she turned us back towards the girl and asked her if she was okay. She barely looked up, mumbled responses and never stopped walking. We took this as a bad sign- my friend also noted her lips were blue- and walked back as fast as we could to the hospital in order to alert someone to her location. We got our message across, and left. But I cannot help thinking that if I had been alone, I would probably have walked right by, knowing that I should have stopped. I am not brave. And I should be.

Why

I want to make something here. I want my words to be read, and have some meaning. What this is:

• A rant space
• A squee space
• An adore space
• A hate space
• A place to outpour myself when too much is inside
• A beautiful mess
• Unordered
• A part of me

It doesn't necessarily have a point, or make sense to others, but it is what it is. I think I need to put some of the thoughts and feelings I find myself pushing aside in a receptacle other than my brain, or surely I will go mad. Well, madder.